Don’t go far off, not even for a day,
because I don’t know how to say it - a day is long
and I will be waiting for you, as in
an empty station when the trains are
parked off somewhere else, asleep.
Don’t leave me, even for an hour, because then
the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
into me, choking my lost heart.
Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve
on the beach, may your eyelids never flutter
into the empty distance. Don’t LEAVE me for
a second, my dearest, because in that moment you’ll
have gone so far I’ll wander mazily
over all the earth, asking, will you
come back? Will you leave me here, dying?
That moment when you realize that you are heel over head in love is intoxicating! Seriously! You feel dazed, in a fog at first. Sure, you’ve said ‘I love you’ a thousand times and meant it with every fiber of your being. Sure, you’ve spent every day together since you met, never once getting bored, never once needing a little space.
But that moment when you look into their eyes and realize “love is not a want, love is now a need” leads to complete befuddlement. You’re now depending on this person for survival. You’re overwhelmed with emotions that you’re afraid to unleash. It’s too late to care about ‘what ifs.’ What if they’re not perfect. What if they let you down. What if they walk away. What if they stop loving you back…. None of that matters anymore. You’re love drunk. Addicted to the chills, consumed by the thrills, anxiously anticipating the next…. anything!
But beware! You will look strange to your mate, who can’t figure out what that new thirst in your eyes means. They might think you’re cheating!
What if I had done just one thing differently that Saturday?
What if I laid in bed all day, reading, and watching movies?
What if I didn’t have to help my sister that morning?
What if I had been able to get a table at KBJ?
What if I didn’t eat at the bar that night?
What if I hadn’t asked BG to take me to that interview?
What if I had given up on the pastabilities?
Would I not have found you?
Would I still be dreaming of love?